Psalm 139:1-6 – Thoughts on Being Known

 Here is my fairly literal translation of these verses:

¹To one directing. To David, a psalm.

 LORD, You search me and You know.

²You know my sitting and my rising. You discern my intentions from afar.

³My going and my lying down You sift and You are acquainted [with] the all of my ways.

⁴For not an utterance [is] in my tongue, [but] behold, O LORD, You know all of it.

⁵Behind and in front You confine me and You set Your hand on me.

⁶[It is] amazing knowledge from me. It is high. I am not able to it.

I have been studying and thinking over these verses for the last couple of weeks. My mind continues to generate a rather nondescript potpourri of thoughts. I don’t know that they amount to anything, but since this is my blog, I’ll go ahead and record them.

My first observation is that, for me, these are very comforting thoughts. Unless I have completely deceived myself, I want God to know my every thought. I want Him to know where I am and what I’m doing. If something I’m doing is wrong, I want Him to know it. I want Him to correct me and save me from my own self-destruction. I want Him to be present and aware of when I sit down and when I stand up – especially while He runs an entire universe and cares about every single other person.

I say this in contrast to what appears to me a very common opposite response. William Greenhill wrote: “Look well to your hearts, thoughts, risings, whatever comes into your mind; let no secret sins, or corruptions lodge there; think not to conceal anything from the eye of God.”  I understand Greenhill’s application and it is certainly legitimate. But my own heart objects to his underlying view of God – that He is basically the Grand Policeman in the sky. “Shape up or He’ll have to come and whack you!” Hmmmm. Do most people need this kind of a view of God? Do they need to be threatened and scolded into holiness? It seems to me if that is the case the problem is not in their lack of obedience but in their deficient view of God Himself. The love of Christ ought to compel us. Now it is quite true that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and I have often said that, if necessary, I should obey God because I fear the consequences of my sins. But I say that with a warmth in my heart toward God. I’m glad He loves me too much to let me self-destruct. I don’t like pain but I’m actually glad there are consequences for my bad choices. And I guess I think David would agree with me. I do not think David is writing these things as some kind of divine threat to keep people in line. Again, unless I have completely deceived myself (always an imminent possibility), I want to take these thoughts as love cordials. The closer God is to me the better.

The other competing thought in my mind confuses me somewhat. I’m not quite sure what to do with this. And I’m just being honest. I find it kind of hurtful to think how the Lord knows all of this, my down-sitting and my uprising, my thoughts from afar, every word on my tongue even before I utter it, … how He is so very intimately present … and still there are these very painful trials in my life that never seem to go away. It is hard enough to know that He is up in Heaven watching all, knowing all, and choosing not to answer my pleas for help. But to really realize that, no, He is right here. He is very present. And yet He still doesn’t help me. Sometimes I feel like my heart is wearing out. It seems like I used to be able to pray about things like this and usually there would be rather immediate results. This is a different experience crying and crying and crying for years and seeing no deliverance. I long to be able to say, “I cried unto the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from all my fears.” But that is not where we are today.

As I said above, these emotions kind of confuse me. Because on the other hand I can confidently say that I totally trust Him. I know that, if He withholds anything from me, it is part of His incomprehensible loving wisdom. It rises from His commitment not to just bless me but rather to mold me. He is my Father. I suspect what I am experiencing is the common lot of all who walk with God for a lifetime. When we’re “young” He gives us a lot of instant gratification. But as we grow, He wants us to learn to trust Him without the constant crutches. We have to learn to ride without the training wheels. That makes perfect sense to me. I guess it just hurts. David said in another place, “I believed, therefore I said, ‘I am greatly afflicted!’” I think I just need to pray more that I can see Him in the storm, not necessarily that He would deliver me from it. Will any of this end in this life? I hope so. Does He still bless me with way more kindness than I deserve? Absolutely. Can I hang on until either He does deliver me or takes me to Heaven? I pray by His grace that I will.

Hmmm. Now we only know His presence by faith. What will it be like in Heaven to actually have Him visibly present 24/7? Probably a perpetual love feast! I know how much I could wish to have next to me all the time all the people I love on earth. How much more will it be to actually have the Lord present? He is now. I need to treasure that all the more. But oh for the day when faith will be sight and faith and hope pass away and only love remains!