Friday, July 26, 2019

Psalm 145:20 “Personal”

Here’s my fairly literal translation of these verses:

20One keeping watch [is] the LORD over all of ones loving Him and the all of the wicked ones He will exterminate.

This is another amazing verse. To begin with, look at the first phrase, “One keeping watch [is] the LORD over all of ones loving Him…” In my fairly literal translation, the Lord is “One keeping watch.” That gets translated a lot of ways, such as “preserves,” “watches over,” “keeps.” The Hebrew is, as usual, a very colorful word. It paints a picture of one “exercising great care over,” or “giving careful attention to,” or even the idea of “keeping” as one would a garden – “tending to.”

Earlier in the Psalm, I was amazed to learn how the Lord actually gives complete personal attention to every single living thing He has created – that He really is my personal God. I think I’ve always seen Him as busy running the Universe, but always willing to hear me when I call to Him, never losing sight of me, even while He is busy watching over everything else.

However, as I recorded earlier, I realized that He is so great, He actually is giving to me 100% of His attention – that, being an infinite God, One who is everywhere present at the same time, filling all of the Universe with all of His being, He can actually be right here with me, giving me 100% of His attention, even while He is doing exactly the same thing for every single life He has created, whether people or birds or flowers or amoebas…or me.

This verse carries that thought perhaps one step more personal. It’s not just that He is present. It’s not just that He is aware. In this verse, we learn He is like a diligent gardener, stooped over the flower that is us, carefully, constantly tending us. He’s not just “watching” over us – the Hebrew word is very active. It’s the idea of “exercising great care over,” or “giving careful attention to.” He is constantly, actively, very attentively watching over us, guarding us, minding every aspect of our minute to minute life.

That thought has me completely overwhelmed. I have never sensed Him so present as I do now. He is my own (very) personal God! I get 100% of His attention, all day every day. And He is right here with me, totally involved in my life and whatever it is I’m doing, wherever I happen to be, whomever I happen to be with. Prayer is not a matter of “calling Him down” or “getting His attention.” It is simply talking to this One who is already here, who is already intimately involved in what is going on in my life, right at this instant.

The strange thing for me, however, is that this knowledge takes a sinister twist. Suddenly I am keenly aware of all my unanswered prayers, all the pains and troubles in my life (and others’), which He seems not to have answered. I’m finding it hard to know Him so close and then accept the painful things He’s allowing. Very strange. I’ve always had a sense of being happy to just let Him run the Universe (and my life) and to just trust Him with it all. But now that I see Him so close, I’m very aware He is allowing the pain and (at least for now) not choosing to answer my prayers. Suddenly I find this discontent in my soul.

I don’t like that at all. I keep hearing His words to Job, “Who is this that darkens counsel without knowledge?” In my mind, I know He is wise, that He is good, that His way is far better than mine, that all He is allowing in my life is only a part of His great love for me. As David said in verse 17, “The LORD is righteous in all His ways, and loving in all His works.” Yet, somehow, suddenly, my soul is having a hard time reconciling it all.

Having pondered all of this for a while, I think that is the answer – I just need to apply faith to the problem. It is still true that “the Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and of great love.” As my heart reveals this little corner of its dark side, I need to simply quiet its suspicious, resentful murmuring with truth. I guess to some extent I’ve not had to do this before. Like I said above, I think, for me, it’s been easy to just trust Him and love Him – probably going back all the way to a childhood where I could always love and trust my parents. However, what has happened is that He really has drawn my heart closer to Him and in so doing, the darkness in my own heart gets exposed. When He sheds a little more light on my life, one of the first things it reveals is my evil. However, unlike the Law, His revealing comes with grace, so that even in a little bit of dying what I find is a whole lot of living! In His presence, getting “exposed,” though momentarily painful, is very quickly wonderful, knowing His grace is actually conquering me! His truth is setting me free – free from who I am, who I was, free to rise just a little higher than my troubles, a little freer to love.

I should quit here and come back but I’d like to say this Psalm has really been a bombshell for me. I feel like it has very much helped me to know the Lord in a much deeper, much more personal way.

Wow.

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