20One keeping watch [is] the LORD
over all of ones loving Him and the all of the wicked ones He will exterminate.
This is another amazing verse. To begin with, look at the
first phrase, “One keeping watch [is] the LORD over all of ones loving Him…” In
my fairly literal translation, the Lord is “One keeping watch.” That gets
translated a lot of ways, such as “preserves,” “watches over,” “keeps.” The
Hebrew is, as usual, a very colorful word. It paints a picture of one
“exercising great care over,” or “giving careful attention to,” or even the
idea of “keeping” as one would a garden – “tending to.”
Earlier in the Psalm, I was amazed to learn how the Lord
actually gives complete personal attention to every single living thing He has
created – that He really is my personal
God. I think I’ve always seen Him as busy running the Universe, but always
willing to hear me when I call to Him, never losing sight of me, even while He
is busy watching over everything else.
However, as I recorded earlier, I realized that He is so
great, He actually is giving to me 100% of His attention – that, being an
infinite God, One who is everywhere present at the same time, filling all of
the Universe with all of His being, He can actually be right here with me,
giving me 100% of His attention, even while He is doing exactly the same thing
for every single life He has created, whether people or birds or flowers or
amoebas…or me.
This verse carries that thought perhaps one step more
personal. It’s not just that He is present. It’s not just that He is aware. In
this verse, we learn He is like a diligent gardener, stooped over the flower
that is us, carefully, constantly tending us. He’s not just “watching” over us
– the Hebrew word is very active. It’s the idea of “exercising great care over,”
or “giving careful attention to.” He is constantly, actively, very attentively
watching over us, guarding us, minding every aspect of our minute to minute
life.
That thought has me completely overwhelmed. I have never
sensed Him so present as I do now. He is my own (very) personal God! I get 100% of His attention, all day every day.
And He is right here with me, totally involved in my life and whatever it is I’m
doing, wherever I happen to be, whomever I happen to be with. Prayer is not a
matter of “calling Him down” or “getting His attention.” It is simply talking
to this One who is already here, who is already intimately involved in what is
going on in my life, right at this instant.
The strange thing for me, however, is that this knowledge
takes a sinister twist. Suddenly I am keenly aware of all my unanswered
prayers, all the pains and troubles in my life (and others’), which He seems
not to have answered. I’m finding it hard to know Him so close and then accept
the painful things He’s allowing. Very strange. I’ve always had a sense of
being happy to just let Him run the Universe (and my life) and to just trust
Him with it all. But now that I see Him so close, I’m very aware He is allowing
the pain and (at least for now) not choosing to answer my prayers. Suddenly I
find this discontent in my soul.
I don’t like that at all. I keep hearing His words to Job, “Who
is this that darkens counsel without knowledge?” In my mind, I know He is wise,
that He is good, that His way is far better than mine, that all He is allowing
in my life is only a part of His great love for me. As David said in verse 17, “The
LORD is righteous in all His ways, and loving in all His works.” Yet, somehow,
suddenly, my soul is having a hard time reconciling it all.
Having pondered all of this for a while, I think that is the
answer – I just need to apply faith to the problem. It is still true that “the
Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and of great love.” As my
heart reveals this little corner of its dark side, I need to simply quiet its
suspicious, resentful murmuring with truth. I guess to some extent I’ve not had
to do this before. Like I said above, I think, for me, it’s been easy to just
trust Him and love Him – probably going back all the way to a childhood where I
could always love and trust my parents. However, what has happened is that He
really has drawn my heart closer to Him and in so doing, the darkness in my own
heart gets exposed. When He sheds a little more light on my life, one of the
first things it reveals is my evil. However, unlike the Law, His revealing
comes with grace, so that even in a little bit of dying what I find is a whole
lot of living! In His presence, getting “exposed,” though momentarily painful,
is very quickly wonderful, knowing His grace is actually conquering me! His
truth is setting me free – free from who I am, who I was, free to rise just a
little higher than my troubles, a little freer to love.
I should quit here and come back but I’d like to say this
Psalm has really been a bombshell for me. I feel like it has very much helped me
to know the Lord in a much deeper, much more personal way.
Wow.
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